Funny Mothers Day Quotes

For Very Funny Mothers Day Cards

Funny Mothers Day quotes are great for adding levity to this lovely day honoring moms, mums, mamas, and mommies everywhere. Anyone who has a mother, is a mother, or knows a mother (everyone), also knows that without humor, some days are very, very, very long.

So get ready to spread some joy. Pick out your favorite of these Mothers Day sayings. Then inscribe it in a blank card, or swirl it in icing on a cake, or get a crop-dusting friend to write it in the sky. Mom's gonna love your funny Mothers Day quote, whatever the presentation style!

Funny Mothers Day Quotes From Folks
You've Heard Of (or not)

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. - Phyllis Diller

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. - Erma Bombeck

Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. - Mae Maloo

My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors. - Bette Midler

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? - Milton Berle

My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

Mothers are all slightly insane. - J.D. Salinger

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter De Vries

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. - Maya Angelou

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum-security twilight home in Australia. - Dame Edna Everage

It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect "I understand and I love you" without so much as uttering a word. - Erma Bombeck

I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to. - Pamela Anderson

Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. - Rita Rudner

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it. - Robert Brault

Children are a great comfort in your old age—and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children. - Marilyn Penland

My mom used to say it doesn't matter how many kids you have...because one kid'll take up 100% of your time so more kids can't possibly take up more than 100% of your time. - Karen Brown

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent. - Bette Davis

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. - Robert Fulghum

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher. - Robert Brault

Funny Mothers Day Quotes
From Those Who Have Reason To Hide

Mom brought me some peanut butter cookies and a biography of Judy Garland. She told me she thought my problem was that I was too impatient, my fuse was too short, that I was only interested in instant gratification. I said, "Instant gratification takes too long."

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids.

If it's five o'clock and the children are still alive, I've done my job.

Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.

There are three ways to get something done: hire someone to do it, do it yourself, or forbid your kids to do it!

Funny Mothers Day Quotes
From Those Who Are Wise

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - Chinese Proverb

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest. - Spanish Proverb

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. - Aristotle

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb

Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that. - Golda Meir

Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your mother-in-law. - Japanese Proverb

Funny Mothers Day Quotes
From Glorious You

While we think we've covered a funny Mothers Day quote for every kind of humor imaginable, there's always room for more smiles. So go ahead and make up your own, the ultimate personalization. Either way, it's time to get on out there and make that special lady chuckle!

Return from Funny Mothers Day Quotes
to Mothers Day Activities

list of holidays in the fall

Try these spooky drinks
for a boo-tiful party!

black martini
witch's brew

Crunchy party snacks,
yummy party fare!

chestnuts & pals
pumpkin seeds